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Yes, I know this is hard for most Americans to understand, but it's true. But what can "choice" mean in such restrictive circumstances? Yes, we’ve changed, and yes, we’ve accommodated, but isn’t No, my elders would say emphatically, it is not. He’s a committed provider and a loving father to our two children.During my senior year of college, my parents contacted a network of friends and relatives, and an international community came together to find me a husband. In ways I’m still coming to understand, it's our not-choosing that has reverberated across the years of our marriage, breaking us in ways we can’t mend, and recreating us in others. We have a comfortable life, rooted in tradition, family, and culture.Things were getting desperate; I was 22, and apparently throbbing with marriageability. As per custom, I met Alex at the door with averted eyes and a guarded smile, feeling ridiculous in the traditional Indian garb my mother insisted was appropriate for the occasion.Over the course of the next several hours, I served him tea, sat across from him at dinner, and answered his questions about my education and interests. Alex and I have been married for 17 years, and our relationship is stable.

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He quickly deduced that she was the appropriate height (finally! First I texted four friends who travel and eat out a lot and whose judgment I trust. Finally I made my selection: Il Corvo, an Italian place that sounded amazing. (It only served lunch.) At that point I had run out of time because I had a show to do, so I ended up making a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich on the bus.

I checked the website Eater for its Heat Map, which includes new, tasty restaurants in the city. The stunning fact remained: it was quicker for my dad to find a wife than it is for me to decide where to eat dinner.

This kind of rigor goes into a lot of my decisionmaking.

Perhaps your date wants a tall women with blonde hair. Many disabled people just give up, even though many singles are for dating with disabled.

It’s just a matter of matching the right people together. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, as everyone has their own ways of doing things anyway.


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